Coming out is one of the most important issues young gay people face. With this in mind, we've collated loads of information on the subject to bring you some sound advice... but because this can all get a little too serious at times, we've started it on a light note...

Six ways not to come out to your parents

by Ursula Brown

Having spent approximately half my life listening to coming out stories it seemed that something had to be devised to stop the madness. Here it is: the cut out and keep guide on how not to tell your parents.

1) The Casual Introduction
Under no circumstances should you opt for the "Mum, Dad, meet my boyfriend/girlfriend [delete as applicable]" option. Whilst having a certain cinematic glory, it is just plain wrong. Your parents will immediately identify said love interest as being synonymous with your homosexuality and thus with the devil himself/herself. Which is all very well if they're just another drunken three-night stand, but less good if they're a prospective permanent bed-warmer.

2) In flagrante delicto
If still living with your parents the last thing you want to do is drunkenly tell someone that your place is fine... It is very hard to explain a trail of boxer shorts/knickers leading to your door. Boys can always try the simple "This is Paul; we were in Scouts together," and hope like hell that their parents will turn the same blind eye now as they did then. Admittedly a slim chance but it's the only available one. Unless of course you were never one of Baden-Powell's millions, in which case you're in deep trouble. Girls can sort of get away with the sleepover and overheated room excuse...

3) The drive-by maiming
So you have decided to come out to your parents in a calm, reasonable way by confiding in them but now forcing them to react. That is a good start but choice of location is equally important. For pity's sake don't go for the all too common option of waiting until they're on a motorway and driving at 90mph. Being out and proud is fantastic but I figure that it has got to be more fun if you aren't in traction for the next six months. Just a thought, mind.

4) If I'm going down I'm taking everyone with me...
Speaking from bitter personal experience on this one. Never snog your parents' friends/colleagues behind a glass door in the mistaken belief that you won't be seen. All lies, all lies. You will screw everything up, starting with your relationship with them and moving on to their friendship with pretty much everyone. Oh, and your mother will cry for a week, which is very wearing indeed.

5) The indelible statement
Camp little t-shirts can be taken off, Steps and Abba can be hidden, and your LGB can send you disguised emails. But tattoos are forever. Carving a symbol, no matter how blatant, into your body is always explicable (apart possibly from two 'male' signs) but drunkenly getting someone's name permanently marked on you is a sure-fire way to make mum and dad go mental. In addition to which, the fashion police will already have written out your toe-tag and prepared a body bag.

6) The 'nothing could be worse than that' defence
Don't even bother trying the "I'm syphilitic and pregnant with Rolf Harris' love-child" thing. It doesn't soften the blow and in fact may make it even harder. After all who wants to believe, even for a millisecond, that their grandchild is going to look like a dishevelled goat?

The final thought
If you are going to come out, avoid pussyfooting around the subject. Parents don't get hints. The good news is that for the most part (after the initial apocalyptic scenes) they get over it and even encourage you in your relationships. Whatever you do, make sure you're comfortable with it and good luck. You'll probably need it...

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